My home decorating style could best be described as “she tried really hard but fell a little short.” I know a beautiful home when I see one, but I don’t quite have the budget or eye for decor to pull it off. Even still, I love pretty things, so I continue to try. Some projects turn out better than expected. Others are total failures.
Fortunately, I am married to a man who has as much interest in home decor as I have in hobbies that require Cabela’s. As long as he does not have to assist in a project, he gives me free rein to improve our home as I see fit.
Awhile back, I decided that a gallery wall would be the best option for our living room wall. It was turning out quite well until I decided to hang deer antlers (horns?). To reference my above sentiments, when Brett promised to love me until death do us part, that vow included the absence of animal carcasses hanging in my home. But then one thing led to another and I found myself hanging deer antlers in my home. It’s totally trendy, I assured myself.
Deer antlers I spray painted silver. Because I am the kind of wife who asks forgiveness rather than permission.
My home decor typically comes neatly packaged with an easy way to hang it, and I know this may surprise you…but I am not used to hanging pieces that were once alive.
That stupid piece of decor took me two hours to hang. TWO WHOLE HOURS. Two hours of cussing. And yelling at my kids. And cutting up my hands. And cussing some more. But the antlers were the necessary final piece of my gallery wall, and eventually my stubbornness prevailed.
I finished this unexpectedly laborious project around the time my husband came home from work. I’ve been married long enough to know that there would be no pomp and circumstance for a job well done, but I, at the very least, expected him to be proud that one of his dead animals had finally made its home outside of the attic.
“You know they’re not facing the correct way, right?” was the first thing he said. And maybe the only thing he said. I don’t remember. My head was too busy exploding.
No. Of course, I don’t know that. Nor would I ever know that. Or ever even care. They’re deer antlers, not the Mona Lisa.
Because there was no way those antlers were coming off of the wall after my victorious fight to get them there, I assured him that he was the only person in our entire county that would even know the proper way to hang deer antlers, and he assured me that my reasoning was stupid.
The lifetime union of two people is so tender.
Something that I did not know when I walked down the aisle on cold day in 2005 was that I was walking towards a life with someone who was different than me in most every way. For you visual learners, I made a Venn diagram to represent this:
Different does not equate bad or wrong. It is a beautiful part of marriage to still be surprised by your spouse once in awhile.We actually have an awesomely fun marriage, and our differences work well together. Unless we are trying to leave for a trip together, which is a whole other thing which I do not have the emotional bandwidth to discuss at the present moment.
I am fascinated by human nature and what makes people act a certain way. I could hardly wait for the Myers-Briggs session in my PeopleTek Leadership Journey, because I totally nerd out to this information. I have taken the free version of this test an embarrassing number of times, but the legit version was much more telling.
It is my opinion that knowing your own Myers-Briggs profile and your spouse’s is one of the easiest and best ways to improve your marriage. The results make you (and them) make sense.
It explains why I view traffic laws as suggestions, rather than absolutes, and why my husband thinks this makes me a brat.
It explains why my husband would rather gouge out his eyes than talk about the weather or how those Dolphins are doing this season…but I could talk to a wall and enjoy the conversation.
It explains why we both like to be on time, but sticking to a budget eludes us.
It explains why he notices small details like the antlers hanging upside down, and I am positive no one will notice. Vast amounts of eye rolling are optional for either party.
Most every quirk of our personalities can be explained by our Myers-Briggs type, which I find to be absolutely fascinating.
Some marriages are harder than others, to be sure. But learning this aspect of your personality is both freeing and encouraging. You can own who you are (and stop apologizing for who you aren’t) and allow your spouse to be who they are (without trying to change their very core).
I will never understand why my husband would prefer to watch Netflix rather than go to a party where he knows only me, but I know it’s how he’s made. I used to think he just didn’t like my friends; it turns out small talk actually exhausts him.
He will never understand why I need to rearrange my furniture on a monthly basis, but he gives me the freedom to do so.
In many ways, we could not be more different, but we have chosen to allow each other to be who we are. I will never understand how he finds enjoyment in waking up before the sun to sit in a tree in the freezing cold weather to hopefully shoot an animal when he could buy a perfectly butchered cow at the grocery store. He will never understand why shopping at the mall can solve most every problem I have because to him, I already have a shirt just like it hanging in my closet. But we (mostly) understand what the other one needs and give each other the time and freedom necessary to be and do what makes us feel alive. In more ways than just shopping and hunting.
I highly recommend the entire PeopleTek Leadership Journey, as it has been one of the best things I’ve done in 2016. If the entire journey isn’t possible for you, you can complete the individual Myers-Briggs instrument with a coaching session. I promise you won’t be sorry! Email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) if you would like more information.