“Bush and Live are coming to KC in July. Let’s get tickets and go,” read a text from my husband last Spring.
Bush was my first concert ever, and I’ve listened to Bush and Live faithfully since the 90’s. So the opportunity to see them on their 25th anniversary tour was more than my middle school heart could handle. That my husband knows me so well was more than my middle-aged mom heart could handle.
Last weekend, the time had finally come! The concert was AMAZING. It was equal parts total happiness and pure nostalgia. I loved every minute of it.
During each song, I thought a lot about who I was the first time I heard Bush play. A middle school girl unsure of the world, my place in it, and having no idea what the future would hold. Then last weekend, rocking out with a husband I adore while our five kids spent the night with Grandma back home. If only that young girl could have known…
I don’t write much about marriage. Partly because the last time I did, I got trolled so hard by strangers on the internet (fun times!). But mostly because every marriage is so unique and nuanced that it’s impossible to generalize. What I can speak to, though, is my own experience.
And going to that concert with my husband was probably the best thing we’ve done for our marriage in a long time.
We communicate well, and we go on date nights fairly regularly. I would say our marriage is pretty good.
But in the dailyness of raising five kids and working and homeschooling and coaching and volunteering and all of the things life requires, our relationship can start to feel more like roommates.
And a great way to get out of that rut is to do something novel. This was actually the first concert my husband and I have ever gone to together. The novelty of enjoying music on a perfect summer night was enough to fill our souls. What made this especially awesome is how quickly the songs took me back in time.
My middle school self could have never dreamed of the life I now get to live. It’s chaotic, it’s loud, it’s stressful…but it’s so, so good.
And it’s very easy for me to forget how good it is.
And even easier for me to forget how great my husband is.
Because he leaves laundry on the floor and gets stressed out and forgets to unload the dishwasher and zones out mid conversation.
It’s so easy for me to focus on the few shortcomings he has and forget about the many things I love about him. Believe me, my middle school self would have swooned so hard for this guy that none of those things would have mattered. And my adult self would do well to remember that.
People often refer to marriage as hard work, and I think that largely has to do with the little things that become big things that create divisions that are hard to repair…because it’s so very human to focus on the bad and hard.
But when I step back in time and remember what I dreamed and hoped my future would be…and spend a weekend away from my kids and my busy life…I find that I really like the man I married. And I know he feels the same.
And that’s my point. Invest in your marriage. Do something besides dinner and a movie. If you’re so lucky, see your favorite band in concert. Laugh together at a comedy club. Hike a new spot. Eat chocolate cake on a park bench.
If you find yourself getting irritated with the littlest things, text a babysitter right now and plan a fun date!
A few hours away, doing something you don’t usually get to do, will do wonders for your soul. I promise.
It won’t magically transform your spouse into a perfect person who does everything you ask and fulfills your every longing…that’s an impossible ask…but it may just remind you of how awesome he is when you’re apart from the dailyness of life that threatens to suck out all of the fun!
Your middle school self probably could not have imagined the life you now get to live…in all its imperfections and joys and sorrows and fun and frustrations…and it may just do your middle-aged self well to remember that 🙂
It’s your turn: what is the BEST date you and your spouse have ever had?